Autism and the importance of proximity

Having recently completed my Master’s degree in Special Education (Just in time for a hiring freeze and layoffs in our district, county and state education system) I want to share some things I have learned by being in middle school classrooms, college classes (which tends to be idealistic but also drives trends) and the Mom of a child with autism.

At the inquiry of Mama Mara, I shared last week an overview of some of the things, I learned in Mick’s Blog, "A Master's in Education: What Mum Learned". I’d like to continue by expounding on those comments in the next several posts here.

It is important to never under-estimate the benefits of professional courtesy and proximity.

These are huge benefits.

I had the good fortune to work as a paraeducator in the same middle school my son attended for most of his middle school years. I was hired in the spring of his 6th grade year.

Perhaps it sounds overly melodramatic however, there is a good chance that my son is alive today because I was placed where people could see me and tended to stop and talk.

Red had wanted to ride his bike the 2 miles to school when the weather started warming up the spring semester of his 6th grade year.

We carefully worked out a route and went over it going over the rules of the road, being careful, watching for cars, and so forth. It was very difficult for me to let him go.

Red is fast.

Red has ADHD and Autism.

And a history...

Two years earlier on his first day ever riding his bike to school I was running behind him and witnessed Red as he wiped out on the bike when he fixated on his shadow and T-boned a school bus sign post. He was so zoned he couldn’t hear me shouting.

So there we were 2 years later...

I’d leave home and watch for him as I drove to the middle school. He obeyed the rules, and we made some new ones such as having him walk his bike at certain crosswalks instead of riding to protect him and others.

He was very fast.

Thank goodness teacher’s and a couple of the parents know him (how can anyone miss those curls flying out the back and sides of a helmet?) because they’d share with me that they saw him.

I always asked if he was following the rules?

“Yes, he was being safe, but he's so fast he almost got hit by a driver not paying attention”.

I heard this several times.

Then there was the day I heard the ambulance about a mile ahead of me.

My heart constricted.

I parked on the side of the road and walked into traffic even though the bike was not my sons and watched an EMT bandaging up another middle school student who’d been hit by a car.

I cried when I parked my own car in the school parking lot.

That night I asked Red if he’d mind riding his scooter instead.

I used the ambulance and that kid as an example for Red. I carefully explained that most drivers on the road at that time of day are idiots not paying attention and because he’s so fast they just can’t see him.

(Note the delivery of the message – I complimented his speed, and implied he was good at following the rules but the driver’s were not.)

He didn’t have a problem switching!

Thank Goodness!

I still hear reports from teachers who see him scooting along. Most make comments about how happy he looks as he scooters and also how fast he is but I haven’t heard about any more near misses.

So maybe proximity has helped keep Red alive and well.

I never would have made the decision to ask Red to switch to his scooter if I hadn't heard accounts of close encounters from his teachers and other parents.

TMS (Too Much Stuff) and an ADHD disorder

As I alluded to in my previous post, I have a lot of beautiful and quite a lot of not so beautiful things. Just things. Dozens of vintage cameras, dozens of tin thermometers and dozens upon dozens of pottery items.

Only some of which I really like. I still have a thing for McCoy planters and a few other McCoy items.

Mostly I have way too much stuff!

The solution seemed simple enough at the time, have a combination yard and collector sale. Yard Sale items outside, and collector items inside.

My brother, who helped me arrive at this solution also volunteered to come up to help me execute the solution. He's been an incredible help! For the past two weekends, there has been a yard and collector sale at my home. He helped the first weekend and Mom came down for the second.

And it was a huge success!

Although I still have a lot of stuff - I have less now.
I was just a bit naive about some of the details it took to execute the plan.

For example, at my brothers suggestion, he and I emptied out the garage of items not for sale.
These items are now stacked in places around my home awaiting my attention. Like I can miss this huge pile of papers in front of my office or the other stack just outside my office? I look at these stacks of things I still need to sort and I freeze up.

It's just too much to face and a real slap-in-the-face with the reality of my ADHD. Now, I'm bright enough to understand that ADHD is very real, and that like any other challenge, one can compensate with other strengths and even find ways to overcome some of the challenges. I even know on a cognitive level ways to overcome many of the challenges. But just looking at the stacks of stuff and I feel as if my brain functions are switched off like a light bulb.
I'm not looking to cure myself of ADHD, I actually embrace many of the aspects it brings to me, especially my creativity.

There are many muse with ADHD to be sure!

It's just I've got to tackle this project one step at a time, or in this case, box at a time. Yes, cognitively I understand it, but looking around my home at the disorder brings to mind the challenges of ADHD and why it is considered a disorder.

Stay tuned as I put myself and home back in order.

Clutter Purging and Clarity of Mind

I have a genetic predisposition to weight gain - the external type. I am a pack-rat. My grand mother saved everything, and mom may not save exactly everything but she has clothes and shoes in more than two closets. 

I'm more like my grandmother. I have boxes and boxes of stuff. Now mind you many items are important - to me. I have inherited most of my grandmother's photographs and I really will one day sort through them. In fact, I have sorted through several boxes of them already. But she was a shutterbug who lived into her nineties.

I also have a lot of photography stuff of my own. Thanks, Grandmom. and I really do mean thanks, I love photography. I also have a couple boxes of seashells for some projects that I will one day get to... and other craft items, and... 

all kinds of collectible stuff that I received from an ex-husband who was addicted to ordering from ebay and oh my gosh, the paperwork challenges of a woman with ADHD. Unless you have ADHD (or love someone who has it) you have no idea what I'm talking about!

Things and projects and stuff can weigh one down in so many ways! 

If you're a pack rat maybe its time... Purge yourself! 

Get help if you need it, either to help physically and/or mentally or even emotionally. I need all the help I can get.

My brother is helping me to put on a yard sale and collector's sale. He's been helping me go through boxes and organize and price and such. Having him here has been really helpful in keeping me focused. He also reminds me by just knowing his own habits, that with help, one can overcome the clutter-bug and pack rat syndromes. 

I keep my objective in focus - better clarity of thought for the projects I want to do, like write and put those pictures Grandmom and I have taken to use!

Soaring Vicariously

My daughter, Kasmira is visiting for 2 weeks before going on to college this fall. I can't begin to say how proud I am of her! She has had her focus on her goals and met them through her high school years and I'm certain she will continue.

I didn't have that focus when I was her age. In hind-sight there were a number of factors that hindered me, primarily ADHD. I've learned coping strategies that have helped me function better over the years but it has been and still remains a struggle.

Kasmira chose to live with her dad on the other side of the country from me for her high school years. Honoring her decision was the hardest thing I have ever done and has contributed both her success and her brothers. They have both thrived being only children.

When Kasmira comes to town I feel as if the lights have been turned back on in my heart. We've been having a ball shopping, poking fun at the crazy things offered up for sale, weenie roasts on the beach with friends, and watching movies. She's always been mature but I see a young lady where the girl with happy feet once danced.

These days she has her sights high - literally. She is going to be a meteorologist and even has ambitions that include flying with the Air Force and working with NASA one day. I know Moms have watched their children soar into their futures before but I am in awe of the beautiful person she has become.

I am a writer, frustrated that the words for the pride, and feelings welling up inside are so limiting. A part of my heart soars with her dreams. Forgive me for posting in my blog less while she is visiting, I am selfish and want to spend my time with her laughter and dreams.

I will write more about our adventures - I promise. In the mean time, I will celebrate her presence, make sure she gets to visit family and friends and enjoy her break before she lifts off to the next level of her dreams and future.

A part of me is envious of her clean slate and wide-open future. I miss being able to have unbroken dreams and aspirations beyond the reality of crashing and burning in relationships and other poor choices I have made. May she take heed of my mistakes and set her own flight course.

I'm going to take a lesson from Kasmira. I'm going to shake myself free of those binds and blast free of my past reseting my own course. I just need to refocus (ha! There it is again the ADHD! LOL) and relaunch myself. Writing is my best defense to ADHD and helps me remain focused. Writing is my way of charting my course.

* * *

Kasmira, know how much I Love you and how very proud I am of your accomplishments. I recognize how brave you were over 4 years ago when you chose to live with your dad and how difficult a decision that must have been for you. I admire your focus, have always respected your decisions and choices and want to be a part of your life and to vicariously enjoy your flight to your aspirations.

I Love you. Always.

Mom