More about Proximity

Proximity has many other advantages.

I have been available to make quick minor adjustments, back the teachers and reinforce rules, heard about long-term projects, answer questions about his ability to do certain things, and teachers were a lot more aware about how active I was in Red’s education.

Red's teachers knew, for example, that I read to him every night but that keeping a reading log just didn’t work well for either of us.

The teachers and staff witnessed me taking notes, and working on my Master’s degree and I asked them plenty of questions and they asked me questions too. Sometimes about Red but increasingly about other students with special needs.

Teachers took notice of me juggling being a single parent, school and work. Many had not considered just how challenging raising a child with autism is and that close to 80% of us are single parents!

As parents we really are doing everything we can and we tend to beat ourselves up when we recognize it never is enough.

When teachers witnessed how hard I was working to make Red’s school experience a positive one, they tried harder themselves.

Whenever they’d make comments about how well Red or I was doing I pointed out that I was lucky to be working at the same school and that most parents really do try their best too but that raising kids with special needs is not easy.

Probably my favorite part of being in close proximity to Red’s education was getting to hear the “Red Stories”.

Teachers would share an interesting moment that happened in their classroom regarding Red. In this way, I got to witness teacher’s growing as professionals and bonding with my son.

Red was making a difference in their lives.

Autism and the importance of proximity

Having recently completed my Master’s degree in Special Education (Just in time for a hiring freeze and layoffs in our district, county and state education system) I want to share some things I have learned by being in middle school classrooms, college classes (which tends to be idealistic but also drives trends) and the Mom of a child with autism.

At the inquiry of Mama Mara, I shared last week an overview of some of the things, I learned in Mick’s Blog, "A Master's in Education: What Mum Learned". I’d like to continue by expounding on those comments in the next several posts here.

It is important to never under-estimate the benefits of professional courtesy and proximity.

These are huge benefits.

I had the good fortune to work as a paraeducator in the same middle school my son attended for most of his middle school years. I was hired in the spring of his 6th grade year.

Perhaps it sounds overly melodramatic however, there is a good chance that my son is alive today because I was placed where people could see me and tended to stop and talk.

Red had wanted to ride his bike the 2 miles to school when the weather started warming up the spring semester of his 6th grade year.

We carefully worked out a route and went over it going over the rules of the road, being careful, watching for cars, and so forth. It was very difficult for me to let him go.

Red is fast.

Red has ADHD and Autism.

And a history...

Two years earlier on his first day ever riding his bike to school I was running behind him and witnessed Red as he wiped out on the bike when he fixated on his shadow and T-boned a school bus sign post. He was so zoned he couldn’t hear me shouting.

So there we were 2 years later...

I’d leave home and watch for him as I drove to the middle school. He obeyed the rules, and we made some new ones such as having him walk his bike at certain crosswalks instead of riding to protect him and others.

He was very fast.

Thank goodness teacher’s and a couple of the parents know him (how can anyone miss those curls flying out the back and sides of a helmet?) because they’d share with me that they saw him.

I always asked if he was following the rules?

“Yes, he was being safe, but he's so fast he almost got hit by a driver not paying attention”.

I heard this several times.

Then there was the day I heard the ambulance about a mile ahead of me.

My heart constricted.

I parked on the side of the road and walked into traffic even though the bike was not my sons and watched an EMT bandaging up another middle school student who’d been hit by a car.

I cried when I parked my own car in the school parking lot.

That night I asked Red if he’d mind riding his scooter instead.

I used the ambulance and that kid as an example for Red. I carefully explained that most drivers on the road at that time of day are idiots not paying attention and because he’s so fast they just can’t see him.

(Note the delivery of the message – I complimented his speed, and implied he was good at following the rules but the driver’s were not.)

He didn’t have a problem switching!

Thank Goodness!

I still hear reports from teachers who see him scooting along. Most make comments about how happy he looks as he scooters and also how fast he is but I haven’t heard about any more near misses.

So maybe proximity has helped keep Red alive and well.

I never would have made the decision to ask Red to switch to his scooter if I hadn't heard accounts of close encounters from his teachers and other parents.