Soaring Vicariously

My daughter, Kasmira is visiting for 2 weeks before going on to college this fall. I can't begin to say how proud I am of her! She has had her focus on her goals and met them through her high school years and I'm certain she will continue.

I didn't have that focus when I was her age. In hind-sight there were a number of factors that hindered me, primarily ADHD. I've learned coping strategies that have helped me function better over the years but it has been and still remains a struggle.

Kasmira chose to live with her dad on the other side of the country from me for her high school years. Honoring her decision was the hardest thing I have ever done and has contributed both her success and her brothers. They have both thrived being only children.

When Kasmira comes to town I feel as if the lights have been turned back on in my heart. We've been having a ball shopping, poking fun at the crazy things offered up for sale, weenie roasts on the beach with friends, and watching movies. She's always been mature but I see a young lady where the girl with happy feet once danced.

These days she has her sights high - literally. She is going to be a meteorologist and even has ambitions that include flying with the Air Force and working with NASA one day. I know Moms have watched their children soar into their futures before but I am in awe of the beautiful person she has become.

I am a writer, frustrated that the words for the pride, and feelings welling up inside are so limiting. A part of my heart soars with her dreams. Forgive me for posting in my blog less while she is visiting, I am selfish and want to spend my time with her laughter and dreams.

I will write more about our adventures - I promise. In the mean time, I will celebrate her presence, make sure she gets to visit family and friends and enjoy her break before she lifts off to the next level of her dreams and future.

A part of me is envious of her clean slate and wide-open future. I miss being able to have unbroken dreams and aspirations beyond the reality of crashing and burning in relationships and other poor choices I have made. May she take heed of my mistakes and set her own flight course.

I'm going to take a lesson from Kasmira. I'm going to shake myself free of those binds and blast free of my past reseting my own course. I just need to refocus (ha! There it is again the ADHD! LOL) and relaunch myself. Writing is my best defense to ADHD and helps me remain focused. Writing is my way of charting my course.

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Kasmira, know how much I Love you and how very proud I am of your accomplishments. I recognize how brave you were over 4 years ago when you chose to live with your dad and how difficult a decision that must have been for you. I admire your focus, have always respected your decisions and choices and want to be a part of your life and to vicariously enjoy your flight to your aspirations.

I Love you. Always.

Mom