Resisting Reluctance

Resisting and Reluctance to write can be a huge problem.

But it doesn't have to be.

I sometimes find myself really wanting to write and simultaneously avoiding it. Know what I mean?

It’s not even like I’m telling myself, “I should”, nor is it that life throws in some obstacles that keep me from writing. Sure that happens but its not what my recent bout of inactivity is.

No, occasionally, for any number of reasons, I flat out really want to write but also really don’t want to. It’s a confusing place to be. And it's where I am right now.

Usually I’m not exactly sure why I’m even in such a quandary when I’m in the thick of it and I don’t even believe that there is a consistent reason. I think the reasons for the dilemma change and that these are usually easier to understand in retrospect.

Sometimes the reason is my ideas are still percolating internally. Driving, gardening, or beach bumming tends to help the perc along.

Other times, my brain is truly scattered with static. Perhaps the clutter has swamped me or perhaps other stressors nag at me stealing the writing away.

And perhaps, like others, I have a fear of success mixed with an equal dose of fear of failure.

And yes, there are those times when the problems are not that deep at all. I’m just busy spending my energies doing those millions of things that a mom has to do.

So in retrospect (having taken some action, I can say retrospect), I believe my recent lack of activity is all of the above. And although my lack of activity clearly demonstrates a problem, I’m no closer to locating the source, I am closer to a solution.

As things often do not happen in isolation, I’ve had a lot of things chipping away at me and I flat out haven’t written.

But this doesn’t have to be a problem. In fact it isn't a problem now.

What I have on my side is a history of writing. I know I can recreate the writing habit. And the habit of writing will put me back on course. Sure, I’m likely to have some off days, but the habit will carry me through. I tend to write virtually every morning – except on occasions when I’m in a writing quandary like this, and even then, I write – even if its just to forward email.

Grant, I may not publish every little thing I write, I will have more to choose from.

Just writing these exploratory passages, I think I now know where the source of my quandary is – and it’s not an unusual one at all for writers. I’ve a story I want to tell, but I’m unsure about committing it to a public forum such as this.

I may have to get it down in a private way, allow it to stew for a while, simmer a bit longer and rewrite it a few times before I release it, but she’s there, ready to break free.

And my problem is solved - by activity! In this case, writing, which once again proves that the cure for inactivity is activity. Just do it already!