Advocate or Adversary? What’s your reputation as a parent?

Advocate or Adversary? What’s your reputation as a parent?

I recently took a stroll on the adversary path. I locked my teeth into a fight that perhaps I should have just let go of much sooner. It was physically and emotionally draining and the outcome has yet to be determined although in the 11th hour I did concede.

A close friend cautioned me several times to not stay in battle because this particular person I was battling with is very important to Red, his band director, music mentor and guardian of a safe haven for Red, the music room. Additionally, the potential gain just didn’t make the battle worth the risk.

But darn-it-all! He of all people SHOULD have understood how Autism impacts Red. Instead he acted as a policy police and felt Red should be given a reality lesson, a consequence, for missing a performance due to a family reunion.

Part of the issue for me was being blindsided by someone I felt “got autism” and Red in particular.

Red would have rather gone to the performance. His consequence was not being at the performance.

Reunions are a lot of “work” for someone on the autism spectrum!

As many parents, I am sometimes so very tired of “educating” on this subject. I also get really riled when I feel I have to “re-teach” the same people over and over again.

My close friend cautioned me on the type of reputation I could develop with other school staff if I persisted in my perceived quest of advocacy. Dang those close personal friends who speak well.

If you don’t have one, be on the lookout for one, they are of huge benefit when the raging mama-bear or papa-bear in you takes over.

Advocating for our children is very important – I am not saying to stop. Rather, I caution you to seek your own advocate and close friend to monitor your choices and emotional engagement level.

Like many parents of a child with autism, I probably have some “shadow traits” or perhaps some learned “fight or flight” stuff going on within that caused me to over-react and dig in. Whatever.

As reputations go, I’d much rather be considered an advocate than adversary.

There are times to dig in and even be prepared to call in “the big guns” when needed. There are also times to heed a friend’s advice and let go in peace. You may even need to have more than one friend. Sometimes even our closet allies may be as blinded as we are by injustices perceived or real.

Your reputation is important to those future battles (and with autism, don’t we have enough to choose from?) and so is your energy. Choose wisely and be a peaceful advocate whenever possible.